Wanna Know More About France’s Most Futile and Made-Fun of Players?

By: Sam | December 6th, 2007

I’ll bet you do. One of my favourite websites, Les Cahiers du Football, presents each year, to the most underachieveing/foolish/media-blasted/you get the idea Ligue 1 player, le ballon de plomb, meaning the lead ball.

The voting ended today, so sadly I can’t entice you to weigh in, but nevertheless I’ll tell you a little about the eleven nominees and why they’re there this year to steal the award away from last year’s winner, Bernard Mendy of Paris Saint-Germain.

Fabien Barthez: Forget spitting on the ref during a friendly. Joining a failing club after nobody picks you up, getting in fights with your teammates, having supporters break your rearview mirrors and stuff like that are where it’s at. Oh, and you may throw this in for good measure.

Éric Cubilier: You’ve probably never heard of this fellow. That’s because he spent the first part of the season with Nantes, the then- cellar-dweller. You can’t blame him for leaving midway through. You can, however, blame him for heading to Metz, who monopolized the elusive 20th spot for the rest of the year.

Stéphane Dalmat: To be fair, this is more of a running joke than anything else. The so-so Dalmat looked promising at the start of the last season with Bordeaux, but ended up fizzling out and joining Sochaux, hardly the Hollywood of Gaul, and even if he did play an integral part in FCSM’s Coupe de France win, he’s still his same old self. But I wouldn’t vote for him.

Gerard: Oooh- A Spaniard international! Hopes were high when this handsome young man dropped by Monaco. And boy did they fall. Although his first season was non-existant due to an ACL injury, his second was hardly better. One start. Five other appearances. Six losses, no less.

Damien Grégorini: Pushed away from Nice thanks to the young and oh-so-cut Hugo Lloris, he fled to Nancy, who had lost their two starting keepers (one to Auxerre, one to injury). And what do you get? Lower mid-table. Grégorini gets relegated to the bench, and what do you get? Nancy in second place, with a Champions League spot entirely plausible.

Mohamed Kallon: Don’t you love those guys who can’t stay at one club for more than 2.4 seconds? (Excluding Ribéry, of course.) Kallon’s one of them. His middle name must be “Downhill”. After Inter Milan, he came to Monaco, where he was good. Then he sucked. Then he went to Qatar. Then Birmingham. Then Portsmouth. All loans. But come on. A lead ball will make his suitcase much heavier.

Bonaventure Kalou: To tell you the truth, he’s my pick to win it all this year. After coming to PSG touted as the guy who could do it all for the club’s attack (him and Dhorasoo, oh yes), he didn’t really turn out as expected in the two years he was there. After making a respectable move to Lens last summer, he left soon thereafter after Guy Roux’s abrupt departure and danced the exile dance all the way to… you guessed it, Qatar.

Johan Micoud: It feels like I’ve written this quite a few times before. Brought in to Bordeaux from Bremen, touted as the guy who could do it all for the club’s attack, he didn’t really turn out as expected in the year he’s been there. Although the season started out pretty well for him, he (as lCdF.net puts it) has the amazing ability to melt right into the scenery of the pitch, and melt he did for the last thirty matches of last year.

Daniel Moreira: Look up unfortunate in the dictionary, you’ll see a picture of this guy. Back in the stone age when he was good and scoring goals in Europe and getting frequent caps, things were good. Not so much anymore, where he’s started getting friendly with all the so-so clubs in the country. And the rumours sending him to Metz or Sochaux or Bourg-La-Reine-Les-Champignacs-sur-Seine don’t stop.

Matt Moussilou: Oh dear. He had so much promise when he played for Lille, he really did. When he got transfered to Nice, no one flinched. When he failed to score once in a whole season, a few people flinched. When he was loaned to Saint-Étienne, a fair amount of people flinched. When he was loaned to Marseille, lots of people flinched. When he was loaned to a Qatari club… oh, forget it.

Sammy Traoré: Now him- We all know he was remarkable in Nice. And we all know we’re noticing a trend here: Good players tend to suck when going to play for PSG. Traoré’s no exception. With Mario Yepes, they became Beavis and Butthead: Except they played soccer and they really sucked. If he doesn’t get with the program soon, he’ll end up in the “Where are they now” file. (Qatar, anyone?)

So, there are your candidates to take home the ball of lead. Who would you pick?

Also, thanks to Inara who reminded me about this in this article. I’ll have the winner when it’s announced!