The Sky is Blue, The Pope is Catholic, Real Madrid is in Love with Samir Nasri

By: Sam | August 2nd, 2007

Bernd Schuster and Pedrag Mijatovic, deep in discussion, strut into the small boutique on the corner of UEFA Boulevard. The shopkeeper, visibly irritated by the appearance of the two gentlemen, exclaims, “Sod off, you two! Milan’s not interested! You’re wasting my time!”. Mijatovic, chuckling to himself, takes a step towards the reluctant owner.
“We know, Orville, we know. We’re not here for Kaka. We would, however, be forever grateful if you could help us contact another club. We are… genuinely interested in a young man by the name of Samir Nasri. I beleive you’re familiar with the name.”
Shooting a furtive glance over both his shoulders, Orville beckons the men closer towards him.
“Nasri? Why not the bloody Crown jewels? Have you no idea how maternal Marseille are about him? You’ll be lucky if they flip you off with a cackle if you approach them! They’d rather give up their stadium than Nasri! Don’t even think about it!”
“Not to worry, my dear man, if you’re not up to helping us, we’ll handle it ourselves. Fifteen million euros ought to soften their ears. We—”
Impatiently, with colour rising to his face, Orville throws his arms in the air.
“Are you fucking joking? They’ll take that as an insult!”
His arguments appear to fall on deaf ears.

The pair walked out the door and onto the bustling alley. They were seen upon their return to Madrid, looking flustered and walking awkwardly. No questions were asked.

THE END.

That was my story. It’s a historical fiction. Real did offer 15 mil for Nasri, according to the dripping-with-rumour Spanish newsie As. Officially, nothing is clear, but at least two things are.

a) Samir Nasri is not leaving Marseille this year. The boy is marseillais. He’s born there, was raised there, has always played there, loves the city, the club, the supporters. He’s staying put, Christ.

b) Samir Nasri is not leaving Marseille for 15 million euros. In Soviet Russia, what you have just read laughs at you! Of all the Next Zidanes Inc., Nasri is the most widely-accepted heir. I don’t care if he’s too young to pay more for, he’s already worth more than that.